The "Amy" Experience

In the spirit of Christmas (or Xmas, if you prefer), I'm professing some insight into this dribble I call my life. I've seen multiple blogs, posts, tweets, et cetera, regarding "things" people want for the holidays (which seems rude to me as I didn't know you were supposed to ask for a gift, but rather accept it and re-gift). The flam-ily asked me tonight what I would like, if given the choice.

I have a long list of both takes and take-backs, here goes:

I DON'T want tickets to any major sporting event like the World Series, Superbowl, or whatever that cup thing is. Raffle those for charity. Most seem crowded and not the preferred temperature for me.

I would like to cross the bridge to Long Island, New York. I would like to see the Lincoln Memorial. I would like to eat a real crab cake in Maine. I would like to eat at Paula Deen's restaurant in Savannah. And I very much would like to meet a man named Jerome in a small African village, of whom I think of daily. This is a tiny bit of a long list of to-dos. That's about all the serious you're going to get from me.

Now, for the real deal. I would like to meet that guy Shelby from the TV show Ax Men. I think he and I would get along just fine, as he seems to be a "hoot". I'd offer his dog one pocketknife or two ... Most of you will have no clue what I'm talking about and that makes me sad for you.

TV has become such a pivotal part of my life that I feel I've made friends that are merely a text away; although, they very much are not.

Imagine Adrienne Maloof, if she were to receive a text/call from a hick in Podunk, Midwest who prints t-shirts. Immediate delete and add to the list for those poor bodyguards.

I think I could hang with Candy from RHOATL, but she talks a little dirty...(don't judge me, people, I talk sailor but it generally doesn't include any kind of intimate sex talk). NeNe would be the girl I call from the club to "get my back".

I miss and am the most jealous of the Beekman Boys. They were on Planet Green and wrote some books that made me want to sell my vast wealth and buy a farm with goats, make soap and hire the sweetest gay man in the village to help me take care of my llama "Polka Spot". Seriously, I paid $65 for their soap sample just because of the episode where the one wraps 1400 bars of soap by hand....

Most of the people I converse or dabble with have jobs and/or school, real hobbies, and don't watch near as much DVR as I do. Rarely do I find someone who knows ALL the people I absorb myself with...I'm an addict and I could use a good Tuesday night meeting for this, along with many other minor addictions.

I don't feel entirely comfortable with ALL people. You either ARE or ARE NOT "my people". I don't always know right out of the gate into which category you'll fall. Sometimes, as I get older, it takes awhile....I've met so many new people this past year, and re-fallen in love with some old, old friends. It feels like going home again...or that's the adage I often hear. The ones I "meet" on TV, I am comfortable with. They don't judge, and I'd take them in and keep them.

I don't know what home again means, but I know it when I feel it. So this year, I'm going to vow to make new friends, maybe matchmake them with some of my old and keep my eyes wide open. It's going to be an even-numbered year, so that gives me a sense of hope. Here's a toast to good things to come.